Q&A with Chopper
WHO: Chopper
WHAT: Comedian
What does Chopper bring to Christchurch? A lot of f***** moustache, and the confidence of a man who wears a loaded handgun down the front of his pants.
It’s been a tough year for Christchurch; what’s your advice? Christchurch is one of my favourite towns to tour. You are one of the hardest bastards I’ve met. Just keep doing what you’re doing. If that fails, wake up every morning and challenge the sun to show its cheeky bright face. Crack a brick in the fry pan and wash it down with some brake fluid. Breakfast of ‘Chopions’.
Tell us about a typical day in the hard/glam life of an award-winning comedian? A typical day involves a pedicure, watching reruns of Sex and the City and singing along to the soundtrack of Mamma mia. Sorry, wrong award-winning comedian. I was thinking of Dai Henwood.
What’s next? I’ve got a few new characters in the works. I’ll be bringing ‘Bear Grylls’ to NZ in the Chopper show. He’s a real hard bastard – who jumps out of perfectly good planes, eats camel shit and drinks his own piss? That’s f****** hard. Most of us get cranky when the McDonald’s drive through is closed.
What’s the best thing about Christchurch? The city, the people – everybody is mad. A good kind of mad. The kind of people I want covering me in a bank job. I had a good mate, Shifty Mick, from Christchurch. His nickname was the ‘Jandalled Assassin’ – he invented the ‘jandal nunchukkas’. He didn’t kill many people, but f*** he confused them enough so we could get away. Years later, he died in a horrible mix-up at a Phar Lap impersonation night in Taranaki. He came 2nd, but then was humanely shot after breaking his leg on stage. His skin however is available to view in Te Papa.
What are your favourite Christchurch hang-outs? Still looking for some. Let’s hang out. Come up and say g’day after the show. We’ll pick up some P and show your club bouncers a thing or two about ‘customer relations’.
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